ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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