This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
