Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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