GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
