"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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