Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
