what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
