Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
