I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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