69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I intend to get homeless drunk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
