Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Blood and glitter go together right?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
