Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
