i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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