Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she looked like the before picture.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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