watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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