Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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