The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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