No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
