so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
