I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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