i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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