After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize