You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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