i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i think my mom watched the whole time
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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