"it" just moved
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You need a sexual gate keeper
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
