I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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