i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
