Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
