No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
