I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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