CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
