I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i drank out of a bidet.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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