guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
