Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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