so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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