Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
