So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
