I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
