I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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