david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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