i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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