My Higher Power is John Stamos
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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