her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
