i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
