Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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