i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
don't judge my taste in strippers
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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