it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize