Dual....:-)
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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