It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
