Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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