but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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