I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
