my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
