Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
