I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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