I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
