i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
