At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
