Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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