jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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