my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
