I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
A bitchslap is in order.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
