is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
