no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize