at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize