Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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