my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
