What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize