I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
