I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize