It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Drake has all the answers
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
