Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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