she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize