Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
