oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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